Update

When I decided to write this blog I never envisioned having to provide my readers with bad news, but unfortunately I am not in control of life and what it has in store for Beni and I.

As some of you know I had an appointment scheduled on Friday to follow up with our OBGYN and confirm the heartbeat of our little bean. Beni was working and I didn't think it was going to be a big deal so Nana went with me instead. As we were getting the ultrasound completed the technician could again not locate a heartbeat. She said she was going to put us in right away with Dr. Bernick. Dr. Bernick told me that I was only measuring 6 weeks 1 day, which only made my progress in a weeks time, 2 days. He informed me that this could happen because of many reasons, but miracles happen and he was going to give me till the 21st of August when he returns from vacation and do another ultrasound to see if we had much progression and a heartbeat.

Leaving his office I cried, cried some more, and then cried together with Beni when he came home early to be with me. To say the least, I had a crappy weekend. I can assure you it has been an emotional roller coaster that I would never wish upon any woman or couple. There have been definite peaks and valleys.

After thinking things over, I decided to follow up with my fertility specialist to hear his opinion and see if there was anything he thought we could do differently or can do to try to hold on to the pregnancy. That appointment was today and this was the verdict:

I have lost the baby. I lost the baby at 5 weeks 6 days. I am currently having a missed miscarriage. What that means is that the embryo has died and my body has not expelled anything and believes I am still pregnant. He also informed me that we must do a D&C this week as it will help me heal faster. For information on D&Cs:

http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/dandc.html

I asked Dr. Denker if he felt as if I could have done anything differently and he said no. He said after the D&C he will be completing some chromosome testing to see if that was the reason for miscarriage. He said if their is no chromosomal abnormalities then he will do some hormone testing to make sure my levels are where they need to be to sustain another pregnancy. He said another reason I could have miscarried is because of my fertility issues. I have a decreased ovarian reserve which also mean not all my eggs are very viable. So this in fact may have been a "bad egg."

What scares me the most is that I feel as if this has set us back about 4-5 months which I don't have. My AMH Level or Ovarian Reserve was 0.51 in May. In June when Dr. Denker repeated the test I was 0.18. In one month I had decreased dramatically but was able to get pregnant. Now I won't be able to try again until mid-late September, assuming my cycle goes back to normally immediately. I know that it only takes one egg, but for goodness sake I don't have any to spare here.

For more information on Ovarian Failure:

http://www.drmalpani.com/oopause.htm


I was obviously not expecting this to happen but I wanted to keep everyone informed no matter what. Hopefully, this can be reassuring for some that may have issues in the future. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and although I don't yet know what the reason behind this is, we have accepted it. Beni and I have such a strong bond and because we have each other we will be able to get through this. I am certain that I will get pregnant. I am determined. I am sad that it wasn't as easy as I had assumed it would be, but I am going to fight to the death for this.

Thank you all in advance for your support. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.