Update

When I decided to write this blog I never envisioned having to provide my readers with bad news, but unfortunately I am not in control of life and what it has in store for Beni and I.

As some of you know I had an appointment scheduled on Friday to follow up with our OBGYN and confirm the heartbeat of our little bean. Beni was working and I didn't think it was going to be a big deal so Nana went with me instead. As we were getting the ultrasound completed the technician could again not locate a heartbeat. She said she was going to put us in right away with Dr. Bernick. Dr. Bernick told me that I was only measuring 6 weeks 1 day, which only made my progress in a weeks time, 2 days. He informed me that this could happen because of many reasons, but miracles happen and he was going to give me till the 21st of August when he returns from vacation and do another ultrasound to see if we had much progression and a heartbeat.

Leaving his office I cried, cried some more, and then cried together with Beni when he came home early to be with me. To say the least, I had a crappy weekend. I can assure you it has been an emotional roller coaster that I would never wish upon any woman or couple. There have been definite peaks and valleys.

After thinking things over, I decided to follow up with my fertility specialist to hear his opinion and see if there was anything he thought we could do differently or can do to try to hold on to the pregnancy. That appointment was today and this was the verdict:

I have lost the baby. I lost the baby at 5 weeks 6 days. I am currently having a missed miscarriage. What that means is that the embryo has died and my body has not expelled anything and believes I am still pregnant. He also informed me that we must do a D&C this week as it will help me heal faster. For information on D&Cs:

http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/dandc.html

I asked Dr. Denker if he felt as if I could have done anything differently and he said no. He said after the D&C he will be completing some chromosome testing to see if that was the reason for miscarriage. He said if their is no chromosomal abnormalities then he will do some hormone testing to make sure my levels are where they need to be to sustain another pregnancy. He said another reason I could have miscarried is because of my fertility issues. I have a decreased ovarian reserve which also mean not all my eggs are very viable. So this in fact may have been a "bad egg."

What scares me the most is that I feel as if this has set us back about 4-5 months which I don't have. My AMH Level or Ovarian Reserve was 0.51 in May. In June when Dr. Denker repeated the test I was 0.18. In one month I had decreased dramatically but was able to get pregnant. Now I won't be able to try again until mid-late September, assuming my cycle goes back to normally immediately. I know that it only takes one egg, but for goodness sake I don't have any to spare here.

For more information on Ovarian Failure:

http://www.drmalpani.com/oopause.htm


I was obviously not expecting this to happen but I wanted to keep everyone informed no matter what. Hopefully, this can be reassuring for some that may have issues in the future. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and although I don't yet know what the reason behind this is, we have accepted it. Beni and I have such a strong bond and because we have each other we will be able to get through this. I am certain that I will get pregnant. I am determined. I am sad that it wasn't as easy as I had assumed it would be, but I am going to fight to the death for this.

Thank you all in advance for your support. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Our Peanut!

So last Friday was the day when we got a first glimpse at our little Peanut. I had my first OB appointment scheduled with a ultrasound. It was very exciting for the both of us. We got to the appointment and started with the ultrasound. The technician was able to locate the little guy and even show us his little heart beating. The only bummer was she was unable to pick up the sound of his heart beating. So what does that mean? Well according to measurements, we weren't as far along as we thought we were. If you calculate by my last menstrual cycle, I should have been 6 weeks 5 days. But by measurements I was only 5 weeks 6 days. So, Dr. Bernick did not complete our first OB appointment and rescheduled me for another ultrasound and for my first OB appointment this Friday. So I get to see our little peanut again!

Our Little Peanut

I know it doesn't look like much, but I am so in love already. I feel like this year has just passed us by in a world wind. But now, now that I am so impatiently waiting for this little fella to grow and develop and become our pride and joy, the time feels as if it has stood still. I am so excited and still praying everyday that things work out well and continue to grow and develop as normal.

Things on the home front have not changed much. Beni is almost done with his summer job and will soon be heading back to school. He has had to put up with my crazy emotional mood swings here lately. One minute I am happy as a pig in poo and then the other minute I am crying hysterically cause my back hurts. HAHA Poor Munchie. (My nickname for Beni).

Mood Swing Funny Story: Beni asked me on a Friday night what I was cooking for dinner, it was already 8pm. I said... nothing. I can make you a grilled cheese. He replied, "Uh, you never cook anymore! The last time you actually cooked was like 3 weeks ago!" This ticked me off. So because I wanted to please Beni, I went to the store the next day while he was at work and bought Salmon burgers to cook for dinner. I had planned to pair it with a sweet potato and spinach! YUMM. Well when Beni arrived home at around 6 pm I asked if he was hungry because I was making dinner. His reply, "Nah, I'm not that hungry. I had a late lunch, I'll probably just have cereal." WHAT!!!!!!! Now normally I might become a little peeved, but in that moment I flew off the handle. Beni could not understand why I was so upset about him not wanting dinner. In his eyes, I got of the hook because I didn't have to cook. Well, then he went to go take a shower while I pouted on the sofa. When he returned, he asked what was wrong and I broke down in an emotional fit of tears and hysterics and cried cause I didn't want him to leave the next evening for his 3 days he works in Miami.

What kind of crazy is that? This has really only happened like 2 times, but gosh for Beni's sake I hope it doesn't happen anymore. The overwhelming amount of emotions you receive from these hormones can take a toll.

Other than that, I have really had no issues. If I didn't know I was pregnant then I probably wouldn't think I was any different. I have only experienced a bit of indigestion and a complete disgust for certain meats. Other than that, this week is a great one!

Thanks for reading, more to come this Friday!

- Tiffany