Where have you been?

Hello Hello!!

It has been sometime since I have written and life has been crazy. So an update is much needed. So much to tell so hold on to the seat of your pants.

In the past couple of months, I accepted a job in Miami. I am getting back to what I enjoy most, working with the pets! I am the new Practice Manager at South Kendall Animal Hospital and loving every minute of it! I am excited to get back to the day to day interactions with the staff, clients, and the pets!!!!

We have been in the moving process for about the past week or so and have some final things to do at our old place and then we will be finished!! We are now residents of Homestead, FL and really loving the new area. I will say the move was rough and like Murphy's Law - what could, did go wrong. But we made it through it and now have a beautiful new home. SIDE NOTE: I am now 15 min. from Key Largo! SCORE!!!!

Also, we have a new addition to our home! Don't get to excited, its a furry friend! Her name is Cappuccino and she is a sweet little munchie! She came to the clinic and needed a home. Of course I could not resist. I have told Beni, that he is going to need to buy me a farm one day!!!

On the pregnancy front, we have no dice. Last month we thought we were pregnant again. We had a positive at home tests and then when I went to the Doctor and completed the blood test it said I was barely pregnant. The doctor thought I might have had a chemical pregnancy, which is where an egg is fertilized which gives off the hormones but never really attaches. He said this could happen if it wasn't a viable egg. So I have given up on the ovulation tests and obessing over it. I can truly say that this has been the most frustrating thing I have ever experienced in my life. As many people know, I am very determined and if I want something, then I will work my tush off to get it. I have never worked so hard for something and wanted something so bad and not been able to make it happen. It can begin to weigh on you and your mind, it begins to make you feel as if your a failure or that your defective. So for my own sanity, I am going to try to let nature take its course and hope for the best.

In the meantime, I am going to enjoy the time I have with my wonderful boyfriend, my martini's, my furry children, and traveling.

On a lighter note, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to everyone who supported me in my walk against breast cancer. It is a very important cause to me and I support whole heartedly thr American Cancer Society and the great things they do for women fighting cancer.

I want to thank my wonderful friend Andrea for motivating me to become more active and is going to be my partner is our first half marathon. We will be running the Disney Princess Half Marathon on February 24th. Andrea has started to train, but my training starts next week. Wish us luck!!

 I have already decided on my costume: Red Wig, Purple Sports Bra, Green Tutu. Who am I?

Well this is all tonight. Hopefully there will be more positive news to come! Keeping our fingers crossed and wishing everyone a Happy Friday!

- Tiffany

Breast Cancer Walk!

This year I will again be walking for the cure at the American Cancer Society’s Making Strides Against Breast Cancer. Some of you may know I lost my Aunt in 2009 to a lifelong battle with breast cancer. She was only 39 years old when she discovered a lump in her breast. She fought long and hard and always kept a positive spirit. She was a woman who was selfless and gave back to her community in so many ways. She loved and cared for every person she met and spoke with. She fought for what she believed in and gave hope to many lives. At age 52, God took her from us, to be with him and continue her work in heaven. When I am struggling I think of her and how strong she was and her smile that lit up every room that she stepped into.

I was very close with my aunt and spent every summer in Ohio with her since I was 6 years old. So on October 13^th, 2012 I will walk for her. Please help me by donating to the cause.

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?fr_id=47346&pg=personal&px=22953510

Keys? What?

Some huge changes for us coming up here.

WE'RE MOVING TO MIAMI!!!!!

Actually, to Homestead if this town home that we love goes through with no hiccups. We will be moving to possibly a 3 or 4 bedroom townhouse, depending on which on becomes available first. I have a job already lined up as a Practice Manager for a 4 doctor practice in South Kendall. Beni is interviewing with a couple places this week and next.

I know these are such big changes with everything else we have going on, but it is a much needed change for us. We are very excited to have a big space and I am excited to be like 20 min from The Keys!!!!!!! "OH, I wanna go to the beach today. I think I'm gonna go to the Keys. Ok!" How about that for a random Saturday beach trip.

I did 2 5K runs this week. (Shout out to my cousin Derek in Ohio, who doubted me a year ago when I said I was going to start. I know it took me a year but I did 2 of them back to back with no training.) Since then I have decided to start my training and my friend Sam and I are going to run the Disney Princess Half Marathon in February. <--I might be doing this Prego? WHAT!?!? So cheer us on!!!!

Pictures from the weekends 5Ks

On the baby front, we continue to try, but are not so enveloped by the idea as we believe it will happen.

Hope everyone enjoys my tiny updates. Hopefully a baby is made soon and they will be more exciting. I'll take pictures of the horrendous move, cause that will be funny to others, not Beni or I.

Changes

I know it has been a while since I've posted but I have had a crazy couple of weeks. I had my D&C on the 16th of August and it was a bumpy ride. Here is all the details of the past couple of weeks:

To start off, I have officially switched Fertility Doctors because of the situation I am about to tell you about. The day of my surgery everything went well. I asked my Dad and Laura to take me as Beni had to work and was taking off the day after to take care of me. The day after went well, very emotional, but physically went well. That Saturday Nana came down to be with me. We went out to have lunch and on the way home I started to get the chills. By the time I got home I was burning up. Nana took my temp and it was 101.7. I looked at my discharge papers and it stated any fever over 101 call the doctor right away. So I called, and called, and called for three hours straight. No one answered and I was afraid to take anything to decrease my fever without the doctor's approval. So Beni called Dr. Bernick's office and they instructed me what to take and also called in a prescription for antibiotics. The next day Dr. Denker's nurse/office manager called me and said something blah blah blah about phone line blah blah blah. I expressed that I was not only upset that I was unable to get a hold of someone but no one called me the day after my surgery to follow up. She then began telling me that I could have just taken Advil and the hospital should have told me this. She became snippy and short and very defensive. I did not feel this was professional or compassionate and completely turned me off in addition to the mounting concerns I was beginning to have with Dr. Denker and his office.

The next Tuesday I had scheduled an appointment with a new Doctor that I had heard a lot of positive feedback about. His name is Dr. Peress. He went over my history and gave me a completely different prognosis than Dr. Denker. He told me that although my ovarian count is low, historically he has seen woman my age have viable eggs (good eggs). He also said he didn't want to do any further testing as we were able to get preggers on the first try before. He said he wants us to try for the next 6 months and then if we are not pregnant we can discuss further testing. He said that he feels that I should not have any issues getting pregnant again. When I asked him he said that he didn't even want to discuss egg donation because if that ends up being worst case scenario, we have up until I am 50 to do that. WOW What a difference... I went from Negativity to Positivity.

We had our 2 week follow-up yesterday and he reviewed the results of the Chromosome analysis they did on the tissue from the D&C. The results determined that everything (Chromosomes) was normal and that the pregnancy could have not developed for reasons we may never know. We also found out that my intuitions were correct and that I was pregnant with a boy. We were both a bit upset when I heard that because it made it so real.

But now moving forward, we have been approved to resume the baby making process!!!  YEAH! Also, we have some big things happening in our lives and will be updating you all shortly on that!

I want to send out a Thank you to everyone who contacted us and sent messages. Your kind words and prayers were appreciated during that time. Even if I may not of responded, please know that I read everything everyone wrote. Thank you for all your continued support and keep praying for the baby making process to take!

Tiffany

Update

When I decided to write this blog I never envisioned having to provide my readers with bad news, but unfortunately I am not in control of life and what it has in store for Beni and I.

As some of you know I had an appointment scheduled on Friday to follow up with our OBGYN and confirm the heartbeat of our little bean. Beni was working and I didn't think it was going to be a big deal so Nana went with me instead. As we were getting the ultrasound completed the technician could again not locate a heartbeat. She said she was going to put us in right away with Dr. Bernick. Dr. Bernick told me that I was only measuring 6 weeks 1 day, which only made my progress in a weeks time, 2 days. He informed me that this could happen because of many reasons, but miracles happen and he was going to give me till the 21st of August when he returns from vacation and do another ultrasound to see if we had much progression and a heartbeat.

Leaving his office I cried, cried some more, and then cried together with Beni when he came home early to be with me. To say the least, I had a crappy weekend. I can assure you it has been an emotional roller coaster that I would never wish upon any woman or couple. There have been definite peaks and valleys.

After thinking things over, I decided to follow up with my fertility specialist to hear his opinion and see if there was anything he thought we could do differently or can do to try to hold on to the pregnancy. That appointment was today and this was the verdict:

I have lost the baby. I lost the baby at 5 weeks 6 days. I am currently having a missed miscarriage. What that means is that the embryo has died and my body has not expelled anything and believes I am still pregnant. He also informed me that we must do a D&C this week as it will help me heal faster. For information on D&Cs:

http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/dandc.html

I asked Dr. Denker if he felt as if I could have done anything differently and he said no. He said after the D&C he will be completing some chromosome testing to see if that was the reason for miscarriage. He said if their is no chromosomal abnormalities then he will do some hormone testing to make sure my levels are where they need to be to sustain another pregnancy. He said another reason I could have miscarried is because of my fertility issues. I have a decreased ovarian reserve which also mean not all my eggs are very viable. So this in fact may have been a "bad egg."

What scares me the most is that I feel as if this has set us back about 4-5 months which I don't have. My AMH Level or Ovarian Reserve was 0.51 in May. In June when Dr. Denker repeated the test I was 0.18. In one month I had decreased dramatically but was able to get pregnant. Now I won't be able to try again until mid-late September, assuming my cycle goes back to normally immediately. I know that it only takes one egg, but for goodness sake I don't have any to spare here.

For more information on Ovarian Failure:

http://www.drmalpani.com/oopause.htm


I was obviously not expecting this to happen but I wanted to keep everyone informed no matter what. Hopefully, this can be reassuring for some that may have issues in the future. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and although I don't yet know what the reason behind this is, we have accepted it. Beni and I have such a strong bond and because we have each other we will be able to get through this. I am certain that I will get pregnant. I am determined. I am sad that it wasn't as easy as I had assumed it would be, but I am going to fight to the death for this.

Thank you all in advance for your support. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Our Peanut!

So last Friday was the day when we got a first glimpse at our little Peanut. I had my first OB appointment scheduled with a ultrasound. It was very exciting for the both of us. We got to the appointment and started with the ultrasound. The technician was able to locate the little guy and even show us his little heart beating. The only bummer was she was unable to pick up the sound of his heart beating. So what does that mean? Well according to measurements, we weren't as far along as we thought we were. If you calculate by my last menstrual cycle, I should have been 6 weeks 5 days. But by measurements I was only 5 weeks 6 days. So, Dr. Bernick did not complete our first OB appointment and rescheduled me for another ultrasound and for my first OB appointment this Friday. So I get to see our little peanut again!

Our Little Peanut

I know it doesn't look like much, but I am so in love already. I feel like this year has just passed us by in a world wind. But now, now that I am so impatiently waiting for this little fella to grow and develop and become our pride and joy, the time feels as if it has stood still. I am so excited and still praying everyday that things work out well and continue to grow and develop as normal.

Things on the home front have not changed much. Beni is almost done with his summer job and will soon be heading back to school. He has had to put up with my crazy emotional mood swings here lately. One minute I am happy as a pig in poo and then the other minute I am crying hysterically cause my back hurts. HAHA Poor Munchie. (My nickname for Beni).

Mood Swing Funny Story: Beni asked me on a Friday night what I was cooking for dinner, it was already 8pm. I said... nothing. I can make you a grilled cheese. He replied, "Uh, you never cook anymore! The last time you actually cooked was like 3 weeks ago!" This ticked me off. So because I wanted to please Beni, I went to the store the next day while he was at work and bought Salmon burgers to cook for dinner. I had planned to pair it with a sweet potato and spinach! YUMM. Well when Beni arrived home at around 6 pm I asked if he was hungry because I was making dinner. His reply, "Nah, I'm not that hungry. I had a late lunch, I'll probably just have cereal." WHAT!!!!!!! Now normally I might become a little peeved, but in that moment I flew off the handle. Beni could not understand why I was so upset about him not wanting dinner. In his eyes, I got of the hook because I didn't have to cook. Well, then he went to go take a shower while I pouted on the sofa. When he returned, he asked what was wrong and I broke down in an emotional fit of tears and hysterics and cried cause I didn't want him to leave the next evening for his 3 days he works in Miami.

What kind of crazy is that? This has really only happened like 2 times, but gosh for Beni's sake I hope it doesn't happen anymore. The overwhelming amount of emotions you receive from these hormones can take a toll.

Other than that, I have really had no issues. If I didn't know I was pregnant then I probably wouldn't think I was any different. I have only experienced a bit of indigestion and a complete disgust for certain meats. Other than that, this week is a great one!

Thanks for reading, more to come this Friday!

- Tiffany

First comes love, then comes marriage.....

Then comes a baby in the baby carriage.

 Haha if only life worked this way. When we were faced with this situation I said to Dr. Denker (as I am crying hysterically), "This is just not what we had planned." He told me some wise words that day, "Hun, you don't plan your life. God plans your life." Wow! This is so true. If anyone would have ever said that to me before I probably would have responded with, "No life is about the choices you make and the effects they have on your life."

Beni and I had this all planned out really, Engagement: 6 months to 1 year. Marriage: 2-3 years. Kids: 3-5 years. HAHAHA is what I say to that now. NOW we have decided to do it all backwards.

I am not a person who believes that just because you are having a child together you must get married. But let me be clear, if Beni were to ask I would say yes in a heartbeat. Although, we would then postpone until after we have our child. We both love eachother very much. We are very committed to making the best of our nontraditional situation. We both intend to be great parents and that is what our focus is and needs to be on at this moment.

So for all that are chomping at the bit, Yes I would love to marry Beni and would do it today. But our decision is to hold off until we can put all of our energy into making our special day as special as possible.

Drum Roll Please.......

I only began this blog a couple days ago, in hopes for everyone to understand our situation and have the ability to be updated on a regular basis. Well, the thought to begin this only came to my mind once we found out the news........

WE ARE PREGNANT!

As some of you may know, we have been dealing with these issues since early April and began trying in mid-June. From the information Dr. Denker had given us we didn't expect it to happen this fast. Dr. Denker had told us, "If you are not pregnant by August, I want you to start in-vitro." So this definitely came as a shock.

It is kind of funny how it all came to happen but here is the story:

Since we decided that we were going to start a family, Beni started working a second job in Miami. He is working 7 days a week until school starts again so that we can save lots of money. Well, Dr. Denker had me doing Ovulation Kits to make sure #1: I am ovulating and #2: when I am ovulating. Well as it would happen, I started ovulating Day 1 of the 3 days that Beni is in Miami. (He stays with his parents those 3 days) So I freaked! In my head I was thinking, "I am going to be fertile for the 3 days by boyfriend isn't here!" So I had to "make arrangements." I took the Tri-Rail down to Miami after work for those three days to make sure we could get it done. LOL. This was the week of the 4th of July.

So a week later I was feeling really bloated and didn't really understand it. I felt like I had eaten a 10 course meal. So Wednesday the 11th was the soonest I could use the early result pregnancy tests to see if we had made it work. They advise you to use them in the AM so that was what I did first thing that morning. I got a negative result. I was suuuuuuppppper bummed. I thought well hopefully, it is just to soon. I told myself that I would not test again until I missed my period, as it was to much of an emotional roller coaster.

Let me just say, when women say, "I knew I was pregnant, I could just feel it" I know what they mean. That whole week, I kept saying to my co-worker, I know I pregnant, I just know.

Welllllllll, Friday came along and I only work half days, therefore I was home before Beni. When I got home, I could smell the cat box and it stunk. Phewww. Beni has really been on me about not changing that thing because he is very worried and doesn't want to compromise anything. Well as some of you know, I am very stubborn and have to do things almost as immediately as I think them up. I decided, I would take a pregnancy test and if it was negative I would clean it. Well I took my first test: Positive w/ a faint line. Wait, is this for real? I called Nana, I was jumping up and down! I pregnant, I'm Pregnant.

I love that lady. She said, "I would be jumping up and down too but my back hurts to much." God love her. So like all women, I didn't believe it so I went to the store to buy a different brand of tests. After 4 tests and 4 positive results I finally believed it.

Telling Beni

I had already plotted how I would tell Beni when I found out. Since he was at work, I made reservations at a nice restaurant in Boca for us to have dinner. I called him and told him that I had made reservations and that he needed to hurry home. Once he got home I rushed him into the shower as I was already to go. As I was putting on my shoes Beni went to his boxer drawer for a pair of boxers and found baby diapers and 4 positive pregnancy tests. He looked at me with shock, surprise, and happiness. "We're Pregnant!" We both hugged each other and just cried. This was truly our miracle, one we created. We had been through so much in our lives, our relationship, and the past couple months, that this was such a sigh of relief for us.

We took pictures that night out having dinner and then took a preliminary belly picture. We followed up with the doctor and confirmed via blood test that we indeed are pregnant. I am currently 5 weeks pregnant. We both realize it is very early and that most people don't announce these things this soon. We want our family and friends to know and understand what we are going through and we are both keeping positive thoughts for a healthy pregnancy. We have an appointment scheduled on August 3rd for our 1st ultrasound. Please keep us in your thoughts!

Celebratory Dinner!

 7/13/2012





The Beginning

This is quite an interesting endeavour that we are about to embark on and we wanted everyone to be able to follow our journey whether you live close or far, far away.

Beni and I met 2 years ago working together for Banfield in Miami. We began to date once I left to manage my animal hospital in Delray. About a year ago, Beni and I moved in with each other and decided that we wanted to be completely committed and one day get married.

For about 3 years I have been apart of a registry to donate my eggs. In April, I was called as a couple had chosen me to be their donor. I was required to do the preliminary testing to make sure I would be a good candidate. I was not given good new. The fertility clinic told me that I was not very fertile and that I needed to follow up with my OBGYN.

I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Bernick almost immediately as I was very concerned and had a gut feeling that this was going to be bad. When we went in and explained everything to Dr. Bernick, he assured us not to worry and that he would repeat testing and completed a couple additional tests. He completed the following tests:

FSH:  Follicle-stimulating hormone test measures the amount of follicle-stimulating  hormone (FSH) in a blood sample. FSH is produced by the pituitary gland In women, FSH helps control the menstral cycle and the production of eggs by the ovaries. The amount of FSH varies throughout a woman's menstrual cycle and is highest just before she releases an egg (ovulates). The higher the FSH levels the harder the ovaries are working to produce and egg.

-> My levels were very elevated

AMH: Anti-Mullerian Hormone. It is also called MIS (Mullerian Inhibiting Substance) . Since AMH is produced directly by the ovarian follicles, AMH levels correlate with the number of antral follicles in the ovaries . It has been documented that women with lower AMH have lower antral follicular counts and produce a lower number of oocytes compared with women with higher levels. 

-> My levels were EXTREMELY low for someone my age.

Vaginal Ultrasound: This was completed to check the number of follicles that I had on each ovary which was 3 for a total of 6. Someone my age and of good healthy should have approximentaly 8-10 each ovary for a total of 16-20 follicles each month.

After Dr. Bernick saw my results he immediately referred me to Dr. Denker a fertility specialist who gave us the news. * I am in the early stages of menopuase*  He diagnosed me with Premature Ovarian Failure. I explained to Dr. Denker that I had expected a diagnoses close to this as I had done some research and that Beni and I expected that we would start to try for a family in about 6-8 months. Dr. Denker simply said, "You don't have 6 months, in 6 months you may not have any more eggs left. Ovarian Failure, once it begins, is a rapid progression and will leave you to become infertile."

Beni and I were is shock (along with Nana who has been my rock through this whole thing). We needed to start buidling a family now? When are we going to get married? How long will it take? Will we have to try fertility treatments? There were so many questions.

OUR DECISION

For those who know me well, they will be reading this and thinking, "she said she never wanted kids!" That is correct, I never thought I wanted them. I always felt as I was to selfish and that my animal were enough. Although, when you are faced with a decision of now or never you perspectives change. I know Beni has always wanted children and a large family at that. I knew as soon as Dr. Denker gave us that information that I had to have a baby. I had to stop being selfish and give my partner what he has always wanted. I knew deep down that a child would bring me so much joy and that Beni and I would make wonderful parents. After speaking with both of our families, we have decided to try to start a family.

- Tiffany